


I Can t Feel Anything

by paladarns



Category: Homestuck
Genre: :y, Angst, Crying, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, Sadstuck, Self Harm, Unresolved Angst, Vomiting, davekat - Freeform, enjoy?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 15:18:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8629210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paladarns/pseuds/paladarns
Summary: You don't know why you do this to yourself. You hate the thick, red, substance, the thick red blood that plagues your body.-----------------------------------A short sadstuck of unresolved angst and tension.





	

You squeeze your eyes shut, forcing ruby tears to escape from your eyes. You open them again, the whole room refocusing in bright colors, but again dark and lonely and empty, the only thing filling the air are your shaky breaths. You close your mouth to succumb the sobs of agony and you lift the blade again. You place the thin, shining blade against your thigh and press. You feel it piercing and breaking through your skin, slick and slow. You rip the knife away from you and throw it across the room, the steel and the metal of the floor clank together and the knife ends at the door at the other side of the room. You look down to your incision, oozing nauseating ichor, and you feel your nose and eyes burn once more before sobbing out all again. Your stomach churns and jumps, and you scramble to your feet to feverishly stumble into the bathroom. You lurch over the toilet and heave the contents of your stomach into the bowl. There's a trickle down your leg, but all you can think about is the color. You throw up more, hating the feeling of it. You don't know why you do this to yourself. You hate the thick, red, substance, the thick red _blood_ that plagues your body. But you can't stand the feeling of living anymore. Though you want to end your life, you know everyone would be angry. Say that you were too weak or too pathetic. The only way to make it all better, is to hurt yourself, and hurt more. You wish there is a happy ending, but the chances of that is minuscule.

You crawl back to the wall across your room and lean against it, feeling your throat become raw from the retching. You hide you face in your hands and drag your knees to rest under your chin. You can feel the tears fall between your fingers, but you can't look, won't look. You stay there in the floor miserable and small, hollow and pale.

You hear an inaudible heartbeat, one that is not yours. You look up over your fingers and you see a tall silhouette sticking out in front of the door to the room. You see them look around slowly, unmoving yet frantic at the same time. His eyes analyze the room, his head following, until he catches sight of you. He keeps his distance. His breaths are evident through the stale air while yours has long gone. He opens his mouth, but you interrupt by behind your face back into your hands and whisper, "I'm so sorry."

You walks towards you, cautious, but then start running half way through. He collapses in front of you, pulling your hands off your face and holding your cheeks between his palms. His eyes scan your face for answers but you can feel that there's no readable emotion. You discreetly cover your thighs with your arms, but he notices. Any movement or sound you make he notices. He looks down to your lap and takes his hands off your face, and you panic even more. You felt too safe at the moment, it was too good to last. He pries your arms from your legs, and with reluctance, you let him. His shades are off and no where to be found, and you can see the red of his eyes glint as he looks up and down the series of scars, bruises, and gashes that lay upon your thighs.

Now, it's him who hides his face behind his hands. He's silent at first, but then he begins to shake violently as sobs pour from his lips. Seeing him like this makes you even more guilty. "I'm sorry," Your voice cracks and it's hard to keep the sentence up without dropping it with cries. I opens his eyes again and looks you into your eyes. He wraps his arms around you and finally, the sobs and tears from both of you mingle.

He holds you for what feels like an eternity and, by them, tears are dried. He lifts his head from your shoulder and sniffs. "Please. Don't do this again."

"Dave-"  
"Just don't fucking do it!" He yells at you, and his eyes calm when he sees you rip eye contact from him. "I'm sorry I yelled. Just. Please Karkat. Don't."

You find his eyes again and let him lean in to press a dry kiss to your eyebrow. "I love you." He says, barely a whisper but enough for it to be engraved into your mind forever.  
"I know," you whisper just as quietly, but it's mostly a lie. You fear your words were drenched with guilt, but whatever Dave suspected, he didn't mention it at all. His eyebrows draw in, but he takes your hand and pulls you into his lap. He leans against the wall you were on, but he closes his eyes and breathes steady, deep breaths. You lean your head against his shoulder and match your breaths together, falling asleep.

You wake up on your side on the floor and arms around Dave's waist. Your eyelids drag but nonetheless, they open. Dave is staring intently at you, on his side facing you. No greeting is exchanged, but there is no need to.

"Too many things have happened to me in my life. I've been cut, I've been broken, I cut, I broke. I continuously hurt myself, I thought that would magically fix everything. It was dumb, but then when each fucking timeline was on my hands, I stopped trying to kill myself. After I saw too many people die because of me being a little bitch and not thinking fast enough, I stopped. I don't know if that makes me a narcissist asshole or not-,"  
"You are," you say, a little laughter in your throat.  
"Whatever. Like I was saying, I don't know if that makes me a narcissist asshole, but I knew that I was kinda important at the time. Now, I don't mean shit. Whatever happens after this mess won't really matter about me. I don't have to exist. But Karkat, you do."

You breath from your nose loudly, and start, "You can't take yourself out of existence, you know."  
"Neither can you."  
"I meant like you're a god! I can easily slice my throat right now and not wake up!"  
Dave looks at you from beneath his eyelashes and then looks back at your pale hands that are gripping his.  
"I know you care about me, Dave, but can't you let me deal with this on my own?"  
"No! I can't let you deal on your own because we both know that doing this won't make you any better." He rips his right hand from yours and digs his fingers into his eyes, vigorously rubbing them. "Shit, who am I to talk."  
You want to say something, but you don't, so you take your left hand and place it on Dave's cheek, the other hand shifting so Dave isn't holding your hand but you're holding Dave's. You never say that you didn't mean what you said.

He shakes under your touch, and he's breaking down harder than you. You want to cry and lie and say you'll be alright. You want to reassure him and say you'll try hard to live. You never make promises. 

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at 12 am and i was super tired so i scanned over it in the morning and thought it was acceptable 
> 
> sorry if you got disappointed but the unresolved angst becuase i thought it would be different to make a fic that didn't have an exact good ending but i hope you enjoyed nonetheless!
> 
> my tumblr is [trashy-dave](http://trashy-dave.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  
> 
> ALSO ITS IMPLIED THAT THEY ARE ON THE METEOR I JUst forgot to put it in


End file.
